how to give up

the most difficult thing, i've learnt,
is not to perservere.
is not to hold on to something you're not sure of.
is not to find the truth.
is not to try to see what's ahead,
is not to hear God.
is not to obey God.

the most difficult thing to do is to give up.

and so i'm nearing this crossroad. where i'll have to decide what to do, or stand there forever until someone comes and pull me along. i am dying underneath a pile of workload. and my heart is sinking like crazy. and i'm only bathing in the morning 1am, 2am, cos i only get home after midnight. and i can never sleep unless it's past 3. tell me, with this emotional physical mental burdens, how do i smile. maybe i asked for too much, so God gave me so much. serve me right. i ought to stop binging, cos i'm falling sick. my body is screaming no, and i feel like dying.

throughout the whole ordeal, it's when you've decided to give up, that you feel the most miserable .