God will give me the best

3mths19days. still waiting in the rain for you to open your door.

if it's God's will, my heart will never change.
if God has decided to thwart it all, i would let it go easily.

but for now,
i know i am still with you. i am not ashamed. although i am not sure what went wrong, i don't know what was the problem or who was the one who caused it, and i am not sure what will this become in future. guess i'll wait after all. wait, not by counting down. not by hanging on crying screaming, no. not by shutting down my heart to any other possibilities. not by praying real hard and hoping God heard me.

i am doing this by being me. i will talk to you even if it means me taking the initiative, as usual. i will be there in case you decided to open up your door, cos this was what i promised, and i'm sorry i walked away for a while. but now i know what to do. i am not going to tell God what i want, i will let him tell me what He wants. so i move on, but i will not take my eyes off you. my heart is not willing to. He told me so, wait. yeah, okay, i wait. for whatever He has in plan for me. i cannot see the end, i never could. what had happened cannot be bullshit, no such coincidence.... must have happened cos it's part of God's plan.

wait, not for a result, but for His answers, whatever they may be. i am not afraid.
i will fall deeper if it means falling. i will cry harder in the end if it leads me to the end.

anyway, God will be there.