end of 06

today is the last day of year 2006. i just wanna spend some time thinking about the past year. this year has been such eventful year... many things happened, good and bad things. so much tears, so much laughter, but what matters now are the lessons i have learnt. this year is really a turning point for me, a turning point for so many of us. it's a fast year, with all the mugging for Os. but i can remember, and i don't think i will ever forget all that has happened this year. the start of the year was dreadful- the thought of mrs llm chasing after us for physics research everyday was so nightmarish. but 4j brought so much joy into my life. i don't think i could've made it to school everyday smiling without 4j. by april, badminton was already almost totally out of my life. the efforts i've put in for the cca, i'll never regret. the passion that i used to have was amazing. i still love my teammates. i love my supersweet juniors. i still miss coach dicky. but since april, i've let go of this passion. i turned 16 in july! all the nc16 movies really shouldn't have been rated nc16. maybe nc14 and m16 would be nicer. aug was start of hell. prelims were when people really chiong like crazy. went home everyday to mug.. many things happened during the 1 month between end of prelims and start of Os. 23rd sept, i accepted christ. it's like the best thing that happened to me in my whole life, and THE turning point. some when in oct we graduated. 4j graduated. first time i love rv. first time i feel like i want to stay there forever. i miss all the best moments i've had in rv. i miss 4j. 23rd october, i made a mistake. right before Os, i did something so extremely stupid that screwed me up so bad... it made me stronger though. and it doesn't matter anymore now. i was rather lazy throughout the whole O level period. i didn't study much with my "study group". i think we studied for like an hour and played for 3 hours every day. but i didn't care i just want to get it over and done with and poof! it's over. everyone rejoiced. and then that was the start of holidays for us. i cannot remember most of the things i did in november, other than prom. i love the badminton chalet and gift camp in dec. first time we have badminton chalet! efficient juniors. and gift camp was so successful i'm so happy our efforts were worth it. i'm so glad gift is growing. 23rd dec -25th dec were just totally dedicated to jesus christ. 26th dec my mum went to court. for every ending, there's a new beginning. many things ended this year: life without God, Os, life in rv, my parents' marriage. and many other events that led to where i am today. i made many new friends this year, experienced many new things this year, and cried much tears this year. i hope to find new life in the coming year. a change of school environment and also a change of home environment. new bag new shoes are all superficial. the real change happens on the inside. for a start, i'll like to say thank you. thank you to everyone who has made a difference to my life. you might have made me laugh, you might have made me cry, it doesn't matter. what really matters is you made me learn. i love you all. i love God most.


favourite photo of the year:

click image to see full photo







gift of reading camp 2006
16th december

taman jurong cc
basketball court

maria wilson

this is an account of a gloomy day. it rained non-stop today and it's just really irritating cos it spoiled our plan of beaching today. maria and i wanted to play volleyball but we ended up at je playing pool. everyone else pangsehed us D: met some rvians who went there to play pool too... and then we sat at long john for like 2 hours, walked around, and shopped at popular for like another 1.5 hours. we were just really bored and doing nuts. but we bought some practical stuff at popular, after grabbing all the useless-but-pretty stuff and then putting them back. i made a poem:

we played pool
and bought cool
stuff for school.

boring christmas

this is my first christmas with God.


it's boring. BUT it's the first time i understand that i don't understand what christmas is about. even up till now, i don't really know why we have christmas day. but nevermind. it's a holiday and it's cool cos everyone's celebrating :D yeap. went to church for thanksgiving lunch today... nothing much.. ok actually there's a lot of food prepared for us but we're too lazy to queue up in such a crowded place. we ate the chicken though. we sat on the floor. me and maria used our fingers to tear pieces of meat. imagine that unglam christmas day image! ugh :x then maria had to go off to her "dreadful" family lunch. anyway i ended up at jp playing pool with qien jj and melissa. it's really people who had nothing to do on christmas day unite.


maria and i came up with a name for our cell grp: telerubbers.
origin: teletubbies (which came up after i considered "power rangers" inappropriate. ok. that's cos i don't like them.)
but teletubbies is copyrighted so: teletubbers
sounds like carpenter's company so: telerubbers!


:D cool huh?

time to leave it behind

this weekend has been really fun :) i cannot remember anything before saturday, which is like, yesterday! i went to raffles with aidah but mango warehouse sales turned out to be so crappy we left that place, after searching for it for a zillion hours and staying in there for like 5 mins. and then finally we met gino and shirlyn. wandered ard aimlessly at citylink and asking ourselves why are we out? answer: all because aidah's bored and she did last minute call-ups -.- after lunch shirlyn went home and the rest of us headed to bugis. took neoprints :) gino's damn pretty la! hahahha. aidah shopped with 2 tired ppl dragging themselves behind her, watching her try on weird shoes, and begging her not to go bugis street. but then after everything, it was a fun day. after that i went to church for christmas youth service.. i love church service! junjie found it boring. i found it touching. i walked barefooted from my seat to the front, cos my wedges gave me blisters under my feet :x crystal jade seafood kitchen is real sucky. and the walk from holland v to buona vista was tiring. but still, i love yesterday! thank you chuxiang and cheryl for the little presents i received yesterday :)


went to shirlene's church service today. they rented this hotel called parkview square, which is really beautiful both inside and outside. very very very beautiful. i didn't know of such place.. we had great fun :D God touched me once again today. i love their pastor. so funny. the people are really friendly as well. heart of God church. shirlene's cell grp people are so freaky; a bunch of sec1 guys who look like sec3s and sec4s. really amazing how fast kids grow nowadays lol! i came home and i had dinner with my mum. :)


next week is going to be happening every single day too. it's good to know how much there is in life i can find. a single person who once hurt me so much, and yet i once cared so much for, doesn't matter anymore. because i've tried my best. he has proven unworthy. so i guess it's really time to leave it all behind once and for all, and move on with my life. i can definitely find something better than that. i love myself, i love my life, i love God, i love lovely people.

merry christmas

i still believe

haha so there's no complications at all. you thought we're all stupid. i screwed your game and that was why you were angry with me. you never thought i will talk to her about it. now the truth has come to light. they say you're mad. they ask me to ignore you. but i cannot.. i know you just want to play, but i dun care. i still believe you. even if i know it's just a prank, i'll believe you and fall for the prank. i am not stupid. i am just willing.

my life is drama

last week was a blur. wednesday to friday badminton chalet; friday to sunday camp. i'll talk about gift camp first... i'm so happy that the camp is a success. it's so many ppl's efforts, and these efforts didn't go down the drain :D i love you ppl! i love everyone in Gift. this camp turned out quite differently from the past camps. i really dunno what else to say. i really want to post our best camp photo here. because that photo speaks a thousand words :) a zillion words maybe.


chalet was ok. i got drunk, the guys got drunk. did alot of weird stuff i cannot remember... said alot of things. and my billabong flips got stolen!! sherman's, alvin's, kianzuo's and a couple of junior's all got stolen. lol... bbq was bad. i din eat much. i love coach's son :D so cute! he's real smart he taught us so many games. i think those two nights i drank more alcohol than ever. and i slept like 4 hours in 2 and a half days. went to gift camp with a sleepy face lol.


i'm going to ac.


i'm very sorry for what i've done. but at least you believe i didn't say whatever things you heard that's untrue. you know what is untrue because it was between the 2 of us. i don't understand what you cannot tell me, but you really don't have to settle this mess yourself. although you won't see this, i really hope to clean up the mess with you. after all, i am the one who spilled the milk. maybe the complications do not involve me anymore, you shld just tell me, and i'll step back. but the fact that you are not replying me tells me that it definitely has got sthg to do with me, it's just that you don't want to tell me or don't know how to tell me. or maybe it's not so complicated after all; you just think i'm too stupid to understand, just like in the past, everything i asked, you'll just say it's complicated. because you think it's too complicated for my simple mind.

another sleepless night

it's 2 am in the morn. i'm feeling very very very happy now even though i'm tired and damn mosquitoes are feasting off my blood, because i've finally completed this thing i insisted on doing for gift camp. i've also settled a few things for the camp today. :D so proud of myself... and i'm just left with a few more things to do... i am happy that i'm doing something for gift, but whether or not these things i do are in vain, that's another issue. i don't care. i contributed. i worked till 4am in the morning. i was fed up. i shut up and just do whatever i have to. found no help. shut up and pia myself. happy with myself now. unhappy with this fatigue that i have no choice but to accept. lujie told me not to burn myself out before camp, or even during camp. but do i have a choice? actually i do. i can say i'm not doing it because it's unfair and i'm tired, but if i throw things off my shoulders, noone's there to pick up. i'm not complaining, just stating facts. i'm willing to do this again if i have to. at least this camp is not going to be a failure, even if it might not turn out to be successful.

i think i went shopping yesterday. and on friday i went to watch singapore poly dance, which was fantastic :) And church was like extremely good yesterday. because maria's crazy idea of forming a cell group came true! ok still not comfirmed, but we got pastor edwin to be our leader. i laughed till i teared cos i thought the cell name pastor edwin came up with is freaking funny---the 4 friends, because the members are me maria grace and chewx. hahahaha i hope our cell group will be formed officially soon. hallelujah! church is so fun, come to church with me :D

6thdec deo gratias

i've got my tagboard up! thank you melissa i love you :D people please tag, it's the fourth navigation button thank you.


i am very happy i bought 2 new dresses yesterday when i went shopping at far east. the basement is indeed "happening", like what kish said. hahaha... it rained so i decided to take buses home. on 105 something really embarassing happened. i had my bag, two bags of stuff, my wallet, my hp, and an evian half full, all on my laps. the bus jerked, everything fell off onto the wet bus floor D: is it even called a floor? it was bloody loud and all over the place cos i was sitting on one of the side seats. yeahhh i didn't have the time to react cos i fell asleep. and then i acted like it's nothing embarassing and picked up my stuff nonchalantly. :p


today's another boring day but at least i went running in the evening, and after i ran, it started drizzling, and guess what?! i saw the rainbow!!! hahhaha i was damn excited! it's super pretty cos there's this white cloud at the middle, which covered the middle section of the rainbow. i saw the left hand side of the rainbow, and my mum pointed out the other end to me. other than that white cloud and the rainbow, the whole sky's dark. yeah that's why it's so obvious and pretty.


i've waited for today for a while.. but it seems like i've been waiting for nothing. seems like the answer i'm waiting for will never come to me. but God, i'm still waiting, and i will never give up waiting, not now.

the past week

i think my blog is a little screwed up cos the blogger navigation bar is at the wrong place! it's been like that for very long and i dunno why and i dun care. havent been updating for the past week for i was lazy. yeah.. not much stuff going on as well. let's see.... last mon i updated, tues i went vivo with jinyin to do some last minute shopping for prom.


wed-prom. nothing great. took many many photos, had fun, took more photos... girls looked pretty, guys looked like how they usually looked. and i couldn't recognise a few ppl... and den nobody wanted to dance D: maria lost herself on the dance floor though hahaha. and she shocked the hell out of junjie. sixuan takes really gross photos :p the grand title shld've gone to laws! so many ppl supported our dear laws.. hmm that's all i remember abt prom.


thurs went back to sch for joy! JUST TO SEE JOY YANG. hahaha can't help it, i miss her. ate pizzahut with jj and joy and den went arcade to look for Goofy. hhahahahah yeah. Goofy. talked to jj about alot of things. and i finally faced up to what i've been denying for so long. and den some ppl flew to korea... ... ... ... ... ... i can only stay in sing and watch korean drama series or movies.


fri was boring. sat was boring. sun was boring. today is super boring. i stayed at home and watched dvds all day, all night.. zzzz tmr i swear i'm going to do something! go gym go shopping whatever! i'm not staying home anymore. noone wants to give me a job D: ok fine that's cos i din try to find. tsk. i love rock steady!

i'm waiting for Dear God to answer my prayers.
im taking care of myself and waiting, perfectionist.

wet weather plan

this morning i went for a meeting at taman jurong.. me and lujie felt so abandoned D: and then luckily yitong alfred huihui came not very long later. met this teacher from lakeside pri and i love her! she's so nice and she even talked about her adopted daughter, which stunned me a little cos after all we were just a bunch of strangers and yet she talked so openly about not being able to give birth herself. i learnt quite alot from her during that short 2 hours. :)


alfred was saying it's not gonna rain at sentosa, so me huihui and lujie made our way there to survey the place for the camp outing. but we nvr made it there. cos we were stuck at harbourfront instead due to the rain..... zzz.... but we discussed most of it already and decided not to have the outing at sentosa -.- so we actually went all the way to harbourfront to eat icecream at mac. and lujie got himself new names- Introvert, Ancestor, Qian2 Bei4 (senior). it was super funny me and huihui kept laughing, esp when lujie acted like a zi4 bi4 child.


went around vivo with huihui after that to look for her dress and my shoes and accessories. met many rvians.... hahha... really tired on my way home and i walked home in the rain. i think i have really cute grandparents! imagine their conversation in hokkien:


grandma: today's longbeans damn nice. anyhow cook also so nice. why huh? (she cooked them)
grandpa: it's because the longbeans are of good quality
grandma: -.- it's because of the skills OK!
grandpa: haiya longbeans good, nothing to do with skills la.
grandma: who says.....

prom dress!

oh well i went prom dress hunting today with my mum. my mum's the funkiest mum on earth! at least to me she is :D hahhaha we took neoprints. but shopping was soooooo tiring.. i got so frustrated i prayed to God for help to spot the perfect dress for me. and i got my prom dress finally after like 4 hours of shopping and looking around.... hmm quite happy with whatever i've got now. i love my belt. i love my mum.


and i went running at 830 tonight. ran a damn long distance around my neighbourhood. i love how quiet it is at night... when i was running, i could think about everything and i could think about nothing. i could look into my mind, and i could block it out. although occasionally i'd run pass smokers and i got pissed, i still love it. i shall run more!


somehow my mum's pigging out like me now, and i'm not.

screw it

i can see why he's so upset. because you don't decide and do it fast enough. you're hesitant. that's what gave him that lack of sense of security. so i did it, thinking i know what i'm doing. maybe i'm wrong. should've let you do it your own noble way because it's none of my business, is it? shouldn't have cared, shouldn't have thought about your problem either. i apologise for not being in my right mind. what the hell did i think i was doing. creating problems for myself. killing my brain cells, feeling frustrated over an argument that was over and for you. in the end i'm a busybody. and i'm sorry for that, okay? call me a bitch right now, i don't care.

for Gift of Reading

we had fun doing filming today :D i loooooovvvvvvvveeeee Gift! i was really getting the jitters when i do the interview although it was only victor ng and kish and pl there looking at me. pl had to do it three times, huihui was behaving like ahbeng :p , khenghwee can talk while smiling throughout the whole interview, and waimin was freaking funny! hahahha she and her photoshop idea. and her big pimple. khenghwee was totally mad today! i didn't know she was trying to do with waimin but she ended up on the floor struggling with pl pulling her. hahahaha. just hope that the video can be done in time...


went to kheng's house and i saw some old photos :) back when i still play badminton. i didn't know i look so pro :p nah... just look so good on court. i could almost feel that passion again. that energy to run on court... i'll post a couple of these photos when i get them from kheng. i've already forgotten how it feels like to play that game.


i don't really care where i go anymore. i leave it to fate. ok i know that sounds corny but hey, you don't have to see everything ahead to be happy. sometimes uncertainty can be good :)

looking ahead.. or back?

kish said i'm very insightful yesterday. it's surprising to hear that because i never knew and noone ever said that. haha... i ended up staying at jec till 11 last night. hmm... after the pae briefing, i got this really messed up feeling. i don't know why i don't really feel like moving forward now. maybe cos there's just too much memories in rv, too much things left unsaid, and simply because of the people... people who don't seem to care, yet i just can't let go of.

and now i'm at the moe site... but i'm not ready to choose the course and school options. i don't know what i want, really. that's why.

the beginning

the end of O level is the new beginning of my life! yeah a really huge chapter of my life has ended... 4 years in rv. time really flies. & a new life needs a new blog :D hahaha ok actually Os been over for 2 days now.. i love how slow things are going now. feels soooooooo good to have no physics hw to worry about. it's 4 years of struggle now finally freedom comes. although i know the mugging life will be back really soon when i go to jc, but still... i live the moment! i always think about the past, i seldom think about the future. :) but even now the past doesnt really matter anymore. i'm letting go of so many things already since there's no use holding on to them. i'm learning to live with whatever i have and be happy and contented. i'll be freaking busy this short holidays.. i dunno wat i'll be doing, i just know i'll be busy :D hahaha. i can't keep my hands off famous amos cookies :X & i got my contact lenses today! yayyyyyy my eyes can grow bigger now. and then i can see where i'm heading in life, hopefully.