love-hate

many a times the heart plays tug-o-war with itself, entangling itself in love-hate affairs. irony irony irony. i wonder was it the same for Jesus. the pain he went through, certainly brought along agony. had there been a moment that He hated us cos we hurt him when he loved us so much? what does it mean to forgive and what does it mean to accept and what does it mean to love?


okay that was my emo being. anyway, on a happier note, say happy!, hahha we celebrated shanyu's birthday yesterday. GAVE HIM AN UMBRELLA.














hahah, and we made him do the rihanna dance with it, hilarious. he was reluctant la, but haha who ask for it to be his birthday. went to esplanade after dinner, lots of artsy fartsy stuff k! i like. :D and i went to haji lane yest with peilin before church. nice nice place. then i kept asking shanyu again and again for the name cos i keeeeep forgetting HAJI LANE. hahahaha. anyway yest was wonderful.

search for God.

time for update :D

last weekend i went to cameron highlands for a breather away from this busy city, all that buzz. no msn, no sms, no work, no friends. maybe just noisy grandparents hahaha - i went with family. apart from strawberries, tea plants, flowers, strawberry products everywhere, i've seen the wonders God created. took plenty of pictures and here's just a few.

















The Waterfall we passed by on our way up the mountain. the route winds in and out, turns left and right nonstop for like 2 hours from hill bottom to top so we had to rest. btw, on the way down when we went home, i almost puked, felt super giddy, and we din rest :/

















The mountains. and hills. and people who live amidst.
















Flowery hill. they have flowers growing everywhere.
















strawberries! and the pale pink&green ones are the babies, and there's even strawberry flowers.




















They grow orchids. LOTS of orchids.
















Bird of paradise. Can see that it's crying?
















they have all sorts of flowers there, and this is only one of the many kinds i have never seen before.

















I guess this is lavenders? i don't know.. but they're purple, and they grow in long sticks.
















sky of the late noon, just before the sun sets.
















sky of the sunset

Awesome? haha, that's cos i have good camera skills. ya i'm just kidding hahahha. they're the Lord's beautiful creations. and i was in awe. :)

monday night we came home, and i ponned work on tuesday. psycho ben's birthday! we celebrated mooncake fest AND his birthday tt evening at lakeside hahaha. dun feel sad you're not invited because noone's really invited hahaha. just that the lakesidees (usual me jamie erastus) wanted to celebrate the full moon, and i happened to be talking to chiyang monday night so the next day chiyang ben and anand came. funny funny funny things we did. birthday boy bullied me D;

okay wednesday i dragged myself to work. today too. tomorrow too.
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANYU GE GE. :D

and one more thing! Fighter's club on facebook! hahahha it's such fun though kinda senseless if you think about it. but still! i am so sad i fought so hard, my supporters fought so hard and lost to tim D:

work

work really gets suckier by the day. it's not the things they make me do, it's the mundane things they made me do every day. D: alot of people will say, 10 per hour, it's quite easy money. yeah, but i'm NOT happy working. i'd rather play with kids to earn less like psycho ben. hmm, maybe i'll like to consider what job i take up the next time, and not just the money factor.

anyway, this video is a part from a walk to remember. i really love this song and i think mandy moore is a very talented singer. her voice is amazing.

God is working miracles

Healing.

yes, healing. i've been surviving with a wound i won't allow Him to touch. thank you Lord for last night. when i finally picked up courage to face you, when i finally think about this issue objectively, God spoke to me. And He showed me the truth, and the reasons. I've seen for myself, so that there's no denying, that what didn't happen, didn't happen for a reason. and what happened is probably caused by our own foolishness. i guess i was upset because i didn't understand, like how the king didn't understand his dream and was desperate to get things back into control. surrendering, is difficult. i am trying hard to move on from this drama, some big blur i cannot comprehend. question is, if you are not moving on, should i? God wants me to put it down, so He can fix it, or give me something else. 2 years later everything would have changed into something totally different. God's unpredictable. life's unpredictable.

maybe this will be the final realisation. and i will put it down. because God's answers came, and they were all i was waiting for. and now it's time for healing.

angst

i cannot stand it. but i cannot let it out, i cannot let it go.

it's nothing compared to the pain Jesus went through. still, i don't think it's fair.

walk alone

i didn't go to east coast park today like i planned to.
too tired. there are just some things people who think they know everything won't understand. they talk big they have noble aspirations they know how to deal with their problems and they can offer every possible solution to mine. but they don't understand i don't want solutions. i want someone who will walk with me through it.

that's all i want.

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again

secrets

Only He can see inside my heart, and understand the deepest emotions hidden beneath. The core of my heart. All i really want to do now, is to find myself. All this while, i've been too busy looking for someone, and now God made me realise through many ways that maybe i am more important to me. That maybe i want to find me. And i do, but where do i start... i don't even know where i am.

or who i am.

Daddy put rainbow in the cloud. The sky earlier on in the evening was beautiful, it was simply amazing, and the best thing i've seen - ever. i love you God.

Someone or something has romanced us from the beginning with creek-side singers and pastel sunsets, with the austere majesty of snowcapped mountains and the poignant flames of autumn colors telling us of something—or someone—leaving, with a promise to return. These things can, in an unguarded moment, bring us to our knees with longing for this something or someone who is lost; someone or something only our heart recognizes.

when the bees sting when the dogs bite when i'm feeling sad..... i might not be able to hear God, but He captivates me with the best. thank you. and shanyuuuuuu, you're appreciated, thank you brother. :)

office life is not much of life.

this was me when i first reached the office this morning. i was smiling. i thought: hmm, what are they going to give me today? there's no more cold-calling... (cos alvin told me the ones we RUSHED on friday are the last batch!)
















then, i got even more. this time, 15 pages. what you see above is one page. yeah, you can imagine my dumbfounded face and alvin's black face. anyway, we decided since this is never-ending, might as well do slowly and not be so stupid as last week. anyway alvin left at 12 plus for something, and i survived well on my own. my colleagues are quite cute la :D haha. and whoa whoa i witnessed office politics today.... sigh, real life.















^my face at 5 pm. i only finished 8 pages, meaning i called (8 times 36) companies, meaning i said the same thing 288 times, sometimes longer sometimes shorter, but i always have to say "hi, i'm calling from pacific internet." and once i almost said "hi, welcome to pacific ocean." i am not kidding you. telemarketing does weird things to my mind... i had to sms cerise to get thru the morning. i went to the washroom 5 times in the noon, and went to the pantry thrice. i am starting to get restless!

GOD BLESS ME.

i loveeeeee t103

hahaha me aini eunice geneng jar and vegetarian! we met up on tues to talk about chalet, i didn't blog abt it so now here is the picture! :D































okayyyy i went to the gym with jam and joyce this morning, and i travelled home with jam, cos there's alot of time to spare. anyway, i am heading to church with her again sooon. lol. my legs are wobbly, man, i haven't been exercising. i bet i won't be able to get out of bed tmr. might as well, slep in before work starts again on monday hahaha. cerise is coming to sleepover! not at my place, but at jam's, but it's as good as mine. we're the lakesidees.

my shirt has a hole D: